This is a disability assessment 

This is a disability assessment
This is for Personal Independence Payment
This is death
This is humiliation 
This is judgement day 
This is the fine line between scrounger and innocent 
This is the difference between food bank or a food shop
This is being able to heat your home
This is the key your freedom 
This is the key your destitution
This is your fate- decided
This is a prompt for a UN enquiry
This is a test 

This is a trial 

This is ‘yes’ ‘no’ ‘sometimes’

This is the way the government defines disability
This is wrong 
This needs to stop 
This kills disabled people
When will that be enough?

Image credit: http://www.scriptonitedaily.com/2013/03/29/our-last-good-friday-easter-monday-beginning-of-the-end-for-uk-poor/

I know you didn’t want a pole dance 🌚

If there’s one thing that pisses me off about my dyspraxia it’s the physical aspects of balance and trying not to be as clumsy as fuck.

Over the years, I’ve developed a good few coping strategies to deal with my Dory-from-finding-Nemo memory that it’s not too bad

* Also when I forget I’ve ordered something cute from Topshop and it turns up- that’s always a plus! *

And yeah sometimes it’s frustrating, but the clumsiness and balance is something else.

Take buses for example.

Easy task right? 

You get on the bus.

You sit down (if possible)

Or you stand gracefully, managing to stand your ground right?

Hahahaha- not if you’re dyspraxic.

I recall one occasion quite vividly when, standing, clinging to a pole, I accidentally gave an old lady an involuntary pole dance neither she or I had planned for, or wanted. Here’s hoping she didn’t die of shock and horror shortly afterwards.

Or that time I knocked a friend’s drink over with my elbow.

Or the time I dropped a full on bucket of water, all down myself

Or when I take what feels like about six billion years to come down one flight of steps. With tuts from the people behind me (sorry not sorry)

Forgetfulness is more acceptable, as my friends and family are very forgiving and I can say ‘oh sorry! I completely forgot!’ Which is fine

A lack of coordination makes for many an embarrassing moment. Sometimes even humiliating by the stares I get. It makes room for more judgement.

And that in turn only makes me less and less confident.

But I just wish people would give it a second thought.

Rather than just staring like ‘what the fuck?’

Help someone out.

Life inside and out 

It’s weird how different I act outside the house, than I do inside the house. Inside the house I’m a pain-riddled person, who shuffles around the house, can just about manage to dress herself. The one who has to hold onto handrails in the shower. 

The one who, inside, gives herself the hardest time about that time this week when she knocked another drink, or ended up yelling at someone because she felt completely over-simulated by her surroundings, and is stressed up to her eyeballs because she forgot about that piece of reading that was due for her seminar tomorrow.

On the outside I try and hold everything together. Keeping my anxiety from making me publicallu having a breakdown because I’m well within time but still fear being late to university. On the outside, no one sees my  chronic pain or my dyspraxia- so I look like a really ignorant young woman (when is the phrase young woman no longer okay by the way?) when in reality, I’m pushing through pain to move myself enough to get on the train and the tram, so I can get an education- and there’s so much going on in the busy train station, I have to keep checking the board to make sure I get on the right service, and focus on making correct  the movements to walk.
But- thinking positively- I’m proud of how I handle myself, and juggle life inspite of all this.

I’m still managing to keep up with, and get good grades, at university- there have been days when I’ve felt I just can’t carry on, but I just do somehow

There are days when my dyspraxia frustrates the absolute hell out of me, especially with what should be simple things- but it’s this that makes me ‘weird’ and most of the time, I embrace that!
Becca  🙂